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I understand what you are aiming to deliver, but the documentary style of your own photograph already is remarkable and I do like it as it is.
There's so much movement there. I feel as if I'm looking out of a window and seeing them go by right now. They are so real I could yell at them and someone would look up. when you change that, we do lose.
The original seemed quite a busy shot. But that was because of my oldy 19" screen, when opening it up it full screen it settles down and indeed is very real. Like being there.
Like the original better then the post produced version. Could imagine it would print well large.